Karyn's Professional Reading

Heart of Hope

Heart of Hope: A Guide for Using Peacemaking Circles to Develop Emotional Literacy, Promote Healing & Build Healthy Relationships

by Carolyn Boyes-Watson, Kay Pranis

The challenges of relationship building are particularly vexing in our efforts to engage with adolescents……

The developmental processes of adolescence are marked by emotional waves of uncertainty, a profound struggle to appreciate the impact of behavior, and a search for safe spaces to “fit in”. Even under the best, most supportive circumstances, the transition from childhood to adulthood is a complex and perplexing time of life.

We need to remember this and empahise this to others- other staff, BOT, parents etc. Adolescence is a highly comples time of life and of profound uncertainty. We need to both respect this and provide as much security as possible in a time of real upheaval. This is when things can and often do go wrong with our hong people, and if the right support is not put in place its where self destructive behaviours start.

They must have a vision for what they want their future to be. They must also be able to acknowledge and understand their emotional pain, recognize the genuine obstacles that have impeded their growth, and then learn skills to manage those obstacles that will continue to challenge them in the future.

Children and youth who are raised without strong parental and adult support and who continue to be impacted by poverty, violence, racism, and other sources of disruption and dysfunction have a tremendous need for relationships with reliable and caring adults.

While it is important to provide young people with information for making healthy choices, education alone is rarely sufficient to influence behavior. Facts and figures about the likely consequences of choices often appear to have little impact on youths’ behavior.

This has implications for any health programmes in particular.

Despite the objectively self-defeating consequences of their choices, at-risk behavior (sexual and otherwise) is often a meaningful effort to meet legitimate psychological and developmental needs.

The approach here is to engage youth in a relational journey of self-awareness.

We trust that the inner wisdom of youth and the adults around them will emerge if these relational strengths and skills are nurtured.

The core practices taught within this curriculum are the essential building blocks for creating healthy relationships and are beneficial for both youth and adults.

Becoming aware of one's own emotions, the emotions of others, and how each impacts the other is widely recognized to be a critical interpersonal skill for a successful life both personally and professionally.

Particular relevance to learning muscles of empathy and reflection. Another reference to why thee are so important.

This guide draws on four distinct but interrelated theoretical foundations.

The first is the profound understanding of our emotional and social development as human beings. We focus on emotional awareness and emotional literacy, because the developmental journey to a healthy self is a relational one.

For adolescents, emotional connection with others is just as important as it is for the young child.

We become who we really are through our relationships with others.

The practice of mindfulness is the second foundation that helps us fully develop as human beings. Like physical exercise, mindfulness helps us learn from the wisdom of our bodies

mindfulness is a highly practical method of self-care. It helps us gain greater clarity about our thoughts and feelings.

They gain emotional self-management options other than turning to drugs, food, television, or other less constructive ways to manage intense emotions.

The third foundation is the practice of peacemaking circles.

The peacemaking circle is, above all, a place for building relationships.

It can also help shift a peer culture in a positive direction by creating the opportunity for young people to be a source of support and wisdom for one another.

better care of our children and ourselves as adults. The challenge of family-centered social services is to balance what is necessary to keep children safe on one hand with the goal of strengthening families and communities on the other.

Much harm is created through relationships of domination and control.

The use of power- even when we think it is for good can be so destructive.

The True Self in Everyone Is Good, Wise, & Powerful

This model of the self distinguishes between doing and being. What we do is not the whole of who we are.

But how we behave or feel is the not the same as who we are. Our core selves may not always be reflected in our actions or feelings.

A core belief in restorative practices.

The World Is Profoundly Interconnected

Traditional African society uses the term “ubuntu” to express the idea that each of us is fundamentally a part of the whole. It means: “I am because we are

We cannot drop out, kick out, or get rid of anything without literally throwing away a part of ourselves. By excluding someone, we harm ourselves and the fabric of our community.

we are connected, what we do to others, we do to ourselves, although we may not always realize that this is happening.

Implications here for suspensions and exclusion policies and procedures

Do not overlook negative actions merely because they are small; however small a spark may be, it can burn down a haystack as big as a mountain…Do not overlook tiny good actions, thinking they are of no benefit; even tiny drops of water in the end will fill a huge vessel.

All Human Beings have a Deep Desire to Be in a Good Relationship

We believe that all people want to love and be loved and that all people want to be respected. This may not be what they show in their behavior particularly when they have not been loved and respected by others.

This is true of many of the young people we work with.

There is much suffering in the world—physical, material, mental…But the greatest suffering is being lonely, feeling unloved, having no one. I have come more and more to realize that it is being unwanted that is the worst disease that any human being can ever experience. — Mother Teresa

Wow, thats pretty sobering and a bit close to home. Ive lived a fairly sheltered middle class life without the abuse some of these kids suffer. But I know what its like to feel unwanted and alone. But Ive learnt (or am learning) to deal with that as an adult. Imagine how much harder that is for an adolescent. Do any of our kids feel like that? Dallas? Nikita?

All Humans Have Gifts & Everyone Is Needed for What They Bring

Different people are needed because different people see and do things differently. We require the contribution of diverse talents,personalities, and perspectives to find creative and innovative solutions to meeting our needs. It takes a sense of humility—realizing that each of us alone does not have all the answers—and a sense of gratitude for us to be open to the gifts that others bring.

So thats where the sense of community is so important, and we need to really intetniaonlly continue to develop that- in our staff and in our kids.

Everything We Need To Make Positive Change Is Already Here… Gather Yourselves.

everything we need to make positive change is already here, because human creativity and human commitment are our greatest treasure and greatest hope.

Human Beings are Holistic

This is why it does not make sense to us to write a curriculum with a narrow focus on pregnancy prevention for male youth of color. Sexuality is an integral part of who we are as human beings in the world. We should neither ignore it nor treat it as a separate aspect of our relationships with others. When we develop healthy relationships, we also develop healthy sexuality.

Nor should we isolate different groups within our society based on age, race, or social class.

We Need Practices to Build Habits of Living from the Core Self

A Grandfather from the Cherokee nation was talking to his grandson. “A fight is going on inside me,” he tells the boy. It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf is evil and ugly. He is anger, envy, war, greed, self-pity, sorrow, regret, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, selfishness, and arrogance. The other wolf is beautiful and good: he is friendly, joyful, peaceful, loving, hopeful, serene, humble, kind, just, and compassionate. This same fight is going on inside of you and inside of every human being. “But Grandfather!” cries the grandson, “which wolf will win?” The elder looked at his grandson, “The one you feed.

I think this quote could just about be the start of an inquiry in our classroom?

We are encouraged to assert power over others and to be fearful and distrustful of the wolves that lurk within. We have developed habits of closing our hearts and minds to the pain and suffering of others as well as to ourselves.

Let's Talk About Power

Healthy power in one's own life is a fundamental human need.

The core self is good, wise, and powerful. Consequently, personal power directed by the core self is healthy power; it does not operate at the expense of someone else. If we are able to help others connect with their core selves, they are less likely to try to access power in hurtful ways. Healthy power in one's own life is a fundamental human need.

The direct implication is that our exercise of power affects others. We therefore have a responsibility to pay attention to the impact of our use of power. This includes seeking feedback about how others experience our power.

humans desire to be in good relationships with others. It suggests that people will be willing to exchange “power over” for “power with.” This shift opens us to experiencing the joy of good relationships with others.

Our healthy personal power is enough. We do not need power over others to make change, neither do we have to steal power from others to meet our needs

Human experience has mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual dimensions.

Power operates in all these domains, and it is important to pay attention to how power operates in each of them.

The way power is structured in our society has caused a great deal of harm.

That is because the society we live in is structured in hierarchies. Higher levels of the hierarchy have power over lower levels. These hierarchies rank worthiness according to the levels of the hierarchy and thus to the levels of power. A person with more power is assumed to be more worthy as a human being and is treated accordingly.

Power is a significant dynamic in the relationship of social workers and educators to those they serve. The helper–helped power dynamics affect the lives of the youth, their families, and their relationships with one another. Recognizing and understanding these power dynamics can help social workers and educators become more effective in their work.

The exercise of power can be healthy and constructive, or it can be imbalanced and harmful. However, when power is used in hierarchies, it is exercised over others. “Power-over” often has seriously harmful because we assume that our intentions are good, we may completely miss the potential for harm in how we are using our power.

How much is this happening in school?

Teachers and social workers function in a hierarchal structure that gives them power over the youth and families they work with. Those in the power-under position are likely to experience the relation as “power over,” and this reinforces a sense of powerlessness. Youth often experience school as a place of powerlessness, as do parents who do not have a middle class background.

Because worthiness is attached to power, humans in our society often seek power to

validate their sense of worthiness.

Many of the inappropriate behaviors that come to the attention of social services or cause disruption in schools are attempts by people who feel powerless to gain power in their lives.

The need for power is deep in the makeup of human beings. The drive for self-determination and self-actualization—both requiring a healthy, natural exercise of power—is an innate human need. Thwarting this need triggers deep emotions. Feelings of powerlessness feed anger, depression, hurt, and hopelessness.

This has real links to the book on Being Vulnerable and to restorative practices.

The circle process helps individuals and the group experience healthy power in the presence of each other.

The circle process talked about here is not restorative circles, although there are many links and cross overs.

Each person has voice; each person is valued; no one is more important than anyone else in the circle. Individual power in circle is self-determining—having voice, choosing whether to speak. Collective power in the circle is “power with

Ive work on an inquiry a number of times around the theme “Power and Control.” This might be really good for our students as well.

Let's Talk About Hope

Hope, like the drive for power, is an innate part of who we are as human beings.

When we have hope, we trust that our actions will make a difference.

people who invested in an education because they believed in a better future for themselves actually lived longer than those who simply resigned themselves to their fate in life.

Our capacity to hope lies in our uniquely human ability to imagine the future.

Hoping is different from wishing.

When we wish for something, we are taking a passive stance. We may want things to be better or different, but we are not thinking about how to make those desires come true. Hope, on the other hand, is an active orientation: we know we will have to work for whatever we hope for.

This is a really important distinction. Maybe something we need to actively teach- both kids and staff.

Hope is honest about what is true today, while also picturing what might be true tomorrow. Hope does not gloss over or minimize the pain and suffering that there may be at the present moment. Hope and grief can both be present in the human heart

Where does hope come from? It comes from our relationships with others.

Hope and power are two sides of the same coin. Powerlessness leads to hopelessness, and feeling hopeless makes us powerless.

This is where the gift of community can play such a vital role in human life. In the face of difficult realities, people may find it hard to hold onto a sense of hope and may slip into despair.

Drugs, alcohol, and other addictive and escapist behaviors mask the pain of hopelessness, at least temporarily.

As humans, we have the capacity to revive and nurture hope when it has faltered. We do this through our capacity to share our experiences with one another.

Something just clicked in me when I read these passages. I can relate to them personally I guess. The whole putting up walls thing and closing people out, means you lose a sense of hope and therefore power, and often this then leads on to self destructive behaviours

Learning the Peacemaking Circle Process

make visible our interconnectedness even in the face of very serious differences

The foundation of the circle's structure is made up of two components: first, values that nurture good relationships and, second, key teachings common among indigenous communities.

The circle assumes that everyone carries these best-self values. They may lie buried beneath layers of habits based on values contrary to them, but core-self values are nonetheless present.

The circle also assumes that, if the space is safe, these values are more likely to emerge.

What Is the Circle Practice? What, then, does the circle look like? Visually you will see: participants seated in a circle, preferably with no furniture in the middle; a centerpiece, which creates a central focus for participants; an opening ceremony that marks the beginning of the special space of the circle; an object, called a talking piece, that is passed from person to person to regulate the flow of dialogue (who speaks and when); a closing ceremony that marks the end of the special space of the circle.

Geometry matters! It is very important to seat everyone in a circle. This seating arrangement allows everyone to see everyone else and to be accountable to one another face to face.

Having no furniture in the center encourages complete presence and openness to one another. Removing tables is sometimes uncomfortable for people, but it is important in creating a space apart from our usual way of discussing difficult issues.

increases accountability, because all body language is obvious to everyone.

Circles use openings and closings to mark the circle as a sacred space.

Clearly marking the beginning and end of the circle is very important.

The talking piece is a powerful equalizer. It gives every participant an equal opportunity to speak and carries an implicit assumption that every participant has something important to offer the group.

The talking piece lifts the burden of control off the keeper and instead distributes control of the process among all the participants. The keeper may speak without the talking piece but will do so only when necessary to maintain the integrity of the process.

Circles use prompting questions or themes at the beginning of most rounds to stimulate conversation about the main interest of the circle.

Effective questions are framed to: encourage participants to speak from their own lived experiences, invite participants to share stories from their lives, focus on feelings and impacts rather than on facts, help participants transition from discussing difficult or painful events to discussing what can be done now to make things better.

Questions should never invite attacks on another individual or group. Asking participants to respond using “I” statements rather than “you” statements is sometimes helpful.

Closings acknowledge the efforts of the circle. They affirm the interconnectedness of those present. They convey a sense of hope for the future,

The facilitator of the circle, often called a keeper, assists the group in creating and maintaining a collective space in which each participant feels safe enough to speak honestly and openly without disrespecting anyone.

The keeper does not control the issues raised by the group or try to move the group toward a particular outcome.

Though circles can be combined with other processes, they have several unique characteristics that distinguish circles from other dialogue or conflict resolution processes. The circle's commitment to building relationships before discussing the core issues is a very intentional and important strategy of the circle process.

Taking time to create experiences of shared space and connection in the group increases the level of emotional safety.

It allows for deeper truth telling, enhanced self exploration, and greater opportunities for learning from each other.

The circle process is divided into four equal parts based on the framework of the Medicine Wheel, which is widely used by Native Peoples. One of the lessons of the Medicine Wheel is that the four parts must operate in balance. In Circle dialogue, this means that, overall, as much time is spent on getting acquainted and building relationships as is spent on exploring the issues and developing plans.

What is your ideal world (family/classroom/workplace)? Describe how people treat

each other there. How do you want to be treated here?

One practitioner working with youth found that the youth often had trouble generating the values. She created a display board with pockets. Each pocket held multiple copies of a particular value on small cards. She printed a definition of the value on the pocket. She then instructed the youth to choose the five values that are most important to them and to take a card for each value they chose.

In some cases, after generating the values, it is important to have a circle round about a specific value, for example, respect or honesty. During the round, participants explore the different ways people may look at that value and how they have experienced it.

The more difficult or conflicted the situation, the more time should be spent talking about the values that people hope will guide them in their interactions with one another.

These circles would not always work as restorative circles are meant to. However they could be a powerful medium for teaching and developing our learning community- probably in smaller groups- maybe mixed sometimes and sometimes selected for specific reasons.

The book outlines circles and plans for:

Developing emotional literacy and mindfulness

-who am I really?

-seeing the light instead of the lampshade

-emotions

-What do young people need? What do young people feel?

Dealing with Lifes' Unfairness- Trauma and Resiliency

-Dealing with Unfairness

-Wishes for My Children

-Dealing with Losses

-Understanding Trauma

-Masking Grief

-Resilience

-What Went Right?

Dealing with Societys Harms

-exploring dimensions of identity

-social hierarchies

-privileges

-gender

Building Healthy Relationships

-self love

-self care

-elements of healthy relationships

-choosing trustworthy friends

-family connections

-identifying sources of support

-talking about sex

-sexual relationships and emotional needs

-choosing to be a parent

Moving Forward with Hope

-living together as a community

-visioning a good life

How can we use some of this as the basis for an ongoing health programme? It could be extremely powerful for these kids if we can figure out a way to integrate it into our community practices.

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may seem forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never seem enough. Give your best anyway.

Kent M Keith- The Silent Revolution- Dynamic Leadership

Karyn's Professional Reading

Pages

Sunday, November 23, 2014

The State of Play

Sunday, November 16, 2014

The Meaning of Pedagogy-Steve Wheeler

Sunday, October 5, 2014

8 Tips for Updating Your Teaching to Something Messier

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Don't know where else to put this

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Heart of Hope

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Two Qualities That Make Leaders Great

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Collaborative Teaching Models

Six Approaches to Co-Teaching